Dear hearts and gentle people,
I will not be posting for two weeks. My husband, in August, had a life-threatening staph infection, and was hospitalized. He ended up with his right big toe being amputated. Since then, his feet and infections have been dicey. He is having another major operation on his feet this week. My writing has stopped until this part of his operation is over.
Thank you for reading my posts.
For several weeks, I have been conversing with my adult son about his future. Since my son is by nature taciturn and non-communitive, I undertook a series of short conversations. By doing things this way, I was able to comprehend what he was struggling with. It was a gradual process of discovery.
My conversing style is the opposite of my son’s, since I am by nature talkative and repetitive. Words are like water to me, meanwhile he hoards his. That makes us a bad combination for having meaningful conversations. As I fill his silences with noise, the more he withdraws.
Added to our opposite communicative styles are our various mental disabilities. My brain injury and deafness has me mishearing and misunderstanding words. Meanwhile my son has schizophrenia, which distorts his thinking at times. This makes meaningful communication problematic. Since we love each other, we persevered.
Why are we having a series of intense talks at this time? Recently, my son quit his job at Goodwill. They were moving and consolidating warehouses. My son could not cope with the accumulated stress.
When my son told me he quit, we had a very loud fight. Angry, we butted heads. I kept insisting that he go back and make it right. He kept saying he was finished. He stormed out of the home, as I sobbed and yelled. Finally, we decided to have a cooling off period.
During this time, I reviewed what I had learned about emotional intelligence. This theory is defined as “the capacity to recognize our emotions and regulate between various emotions and use this information to guide thoughts and behaviors to achieve desired outcomes.” (Note 1) The elements of emotional intelligence are self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills.
I, also, examined my emotions. First and foremost, I realized that I had to give up my dreams for him. I needed to see my son for who he is – a loving, kind man who wants to be useful and do good. There is a hole in my heart — the size of my son. Although his mental illness emerged in childhood, I hoped he would be like everyone else. I had to grieve the loss of my dream. My emotional trigger which was his quitting which meant my dream had died. One part of emotional intelligence is knowing your triggers.
The second thing that I had to do was to learn how I and my son process information. The communication process involves a sender and a receiver. The sender encodes the message and then sends it. The message is received by the receiver who decodes it. The receiver provides feedback as to what they heard.
People have three basic ways of receiving. Some people use verbal clues. They say things like “I hear you.” Visual people prefer watching for body clues and can be distracted by visual things. Finally, some people are “feeling,” responding better to touch. I am a visual person, while my son is a feeling person. We have to translate our communications from “French” to “Japanese” and back again. Because of our differences, I have to be more mindful of my word choices.
The famous management consultant, Peter Drucker once said, “The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn’t being said.” This is where being silent and watching body language is important. I regard a part of active listening is hearing the pauses. Another part of active listening is watching body language to see how your message is being received.
In our conversations, I noted how worn out my son was. Being under a lot of stress, he was subjected to panic attacks. Therefore, to have a conversation with someone who is easily startled was difficult. While I waited until he was less reactive, I learned to calm myself down also.
The developer of Multiple Intelligence Theory (Note 2), Howard Gardner said, “I’m saying that we’ve tended to put on a pedestal one variety called intelligence, and there’s actually a plurality of them, and somethings we’ve never thought about being ‘intelligence’ at all.” Gardner continues, “It is of the utmost importance that we recognize and nurture all of the varied combinations of intelligences. We are all so different largely because all have different combinations of intelligences.”
Of multiple intelligences, it relates how to achieve understanding between people. Since mine is “Existential/Naturalist,” I decided to ponder my son’s nature in those terms. He is like the tulip that winters underground. In spring, as the weather warms and sunlight increases, gradually the shoots appear. Weeks go by, before the tulips fully emerge and bud. With more time, they bloom. Seeing my son in that light, I decided a series of short encouraging conversations would be more fruitful.
My son sees the world in terms of “Logical-Mathematical/Spatial.” Therefore, I had to be clear, concise, and only chose one topic at a time. Then I would be courteous and concise in expressing my concerns. Wait in silence for his response. He would tell me what one thing he would do each week. Week by week we worked it, and later he worked out more with his doctor.
In our conversations, I learned to identify my triggers and assumptions. Then I had to endevour to stop chattering away and listen in the pauses. I reminded myself not to use my son to make myself feel better. We became two adults trying to forge a path forward.
Notes:
Note 1. Defined by Theresa Williams, “Emotional Intelligence 2.0: A Practical Guide to Master Your Emotions.”
Note 2. Gardner defined intelligence as “the ability to solve problems that one encounters in real life, the ability to general new problems to solve, and the ability to make something or offer a service that is valued within one’s culture.” He identified eight intelligences (with a possible ninth): Verbal-Linguistic, Logical-Mathematical, Spatial, Bodily-Kinesthetic, Musical, Interpersonal, Intrapersonal, and Naturalist. The ninth possible one is Existential, which is having a mystical and metaphysical sense of the world.
Works Used:
Armstrong, Thomas, “Multiple Intelligences in the Classroom.” Alexandria (VA): ASCD. 2018.
Black, Mick, “Effective Communication.” Self-published. 2023.
Bradberry, Tom and Jean Greaves, “Emotional Intelligence 2.0.” San Diego (CA): TalentSmart. 2009.
Cruz, Janet, “The Power of Communication Skills and Effective Training.” Coconut Creek (FL): Unlimited Concepts. 2023.
Gula, Robert, “Nonsense: Red Herrings, Straw Men and Sacred Cows.” Edinburg (VA): Axios Press. 2018.
Williams, Theresa, “Emotional Intelligence 2.0: A Practical Guide to Master Your Emotions.” Self-published. 2023.
At her hall of Fensalir, Frigga, the Norse All-Mother, has twelve Handmaidens (Note 1) or ladies-in-waiting to attend to Her. Not much is known about who these Handmaidens were since the Lore is scanty about Norse Goddesses in general. Much of what is known today is by Group Verified Gnosis.
Lofn (Briefly)
Snorri writes Lofn “who is so kind and good to pray to that She gets leave from the All-Father or Frigga for people’s union… even if before it was refused.” Lofn shows the way to love for those who cannot. She can be called on to bless unions not permitted by society.
In the Gylfaginning, Snorri Sturluson writes, Lofn “who is kind and good to those who call upon her, and she has permission from Alfather or Frigg to bring together men and women, no matter what difficulties may stand in the way; therefore ‘love’ is so called from her name, and also that which is much loved by men.”
From what Snorri writes, Lofn is the Goddess who finds a way for love to triumph. She could be thought of as the Goddess of Star-Crossed Lovers. Both Odin and Frigga have commissioned Lofn to guide people to each other in spite of numerous obstacles that lie between them.
Frigga has three Handmaidens who oversees love in all its forms. Lofn governs forbidden love, while Sjofn keeps the peace within families. Although not usually considered to be a Goddess of Love, Syn does judge the disagreements between lovers. Meanwhile, Lofn settles quarrels between Gods.
Compassionate and powerful, Lofn will mediate the affairs between Gods, Jotuns, and Others. She is best at working on the behalf of lovers facing hurdles to marrying. For example, Lofn enabled the God Freyr to wed the Giantess Gerd.
In modern times, Lofn has become more than the Goddess of Forbidden Love. She is the Goddess of Love in All Forms, which champions “love beyond traditional boundaries.” Today, Lofn blesses LGBTQ relationships and marriages. According to this Goddess, all love is worthy of divine protection.
Notes:
Note 1. Saga (seer), Eir (healer), Gefjun (unmarried girls), Fulla (plenty), Sjofn (love), Lofn (forbidden love), Var (oaths), Vor (wisdom), Syn (truth), Hlin (protector), Snorta (diplomacy), Gna (travelers).
Art by Grace Palmer for WyrdCuriosities, prayer cards.
In the Standard Mesopotamian Calendar (Note 1), the month beginning at the new moon of April is Ajaru (Ayyaru). From Astrolabe B (Note 2), “The month Ajaru, the Pleiades, the Seven Gods, the opening up of the ground, the oxen are yoked, the land becomes arable, the ploughs washed, the month of heroic Ningirsu, the great ensi (priest) of Enlil.” (Note 3) (This is the month that “the horned oxen march forth.”) Also, the Sacred Marriage of Nabu and Tasmetu is celebrated to ensure the fertility and abundance of the land.
In the Old Babylonian Calendar, it was called Ezem Gusui because of the Gusisu Festival. Since this is the month of spring storms, the land is prepared for sowing. The Gusisu Festival is held at the full moon (about April 22). Ningirsu, who is the Warrior God, becomes Ninurta, the Farmer God. The Son of Enlil (the Keeper of the Tablets of Destiny), Ninurta brings the rains of spring. Before the inundation of the fields in May/June, irrigation ditches are repaired and filled. In addition, the oxen and ploughs are prepared for the spring farrowing. This festival was held for three days with the entire pantheon of Gods receiving offerings.
To honor Ninurta as Lord Plough and Master of the Fields, “The Debate Between the Hoe and the Plough” is read. (Note 4) This debate highlights the Hoe’s importance in civilization, since it builds the cities. Meanwhile, the Plough provides grain for the cities.
Then, the “Song of the Ploughing Oxen” is sung. This song depicts spring ploughing as the “faithful farmer with oxen.” One stanza is “My king, I want to praise the leading oxen of the plow: ‘Ellu! go, oxen, go, put the neck under the yoke, go, royal oxen, go, put the neck under the yoke! Step on the furrows of the fertile field, that the sides be made straight. With your lion’s tail beat the sides of the plow, Your step, oxen, rejoices the people, you have been given strength to work! The oxen you guide, Lipit-Istar (the king), and your song is a pleasure.”
The Sacred Marriage of Nabu, God of Wisdom and Abundant Harvest with Tasmetu, Goddess of Listening and Sexual Attraction is celebrated. (Note 5) As a Divine Couple, they come together as bride and groom. After spending six days and seven nights together, the two Gods are served a banquet by the king and the people. From this marriage will come peace and prosperity to the land.
Notes:
Note 1. The Babylonians had a lunar calendar and added months beyond the 12-month year. They kept their year keyed to the equinoxes. Between 1750 – 1500 BCE, the Babylonians standardized their calendar – the Standard Mesopotamian Calendar to unify their empire.
Note 2. Astrolabe B has 12-month sectors with the rising of the stars. It lists the main events in the Babylonian Wheel of the Year.
Note 3. The Seven Gods, who are associated with the Pleiades, can be called to fight evil demons. (They are usually referred to as a group, not as individuals.)
Note 4. The Sumerians wrote debates (disputations) as a part of their theology to explain the relations between the Gods and humans. Seven are known – Bird and Fish, Copper and Silver, Millstone and Gulgul-stone, Hoe and Plough, Date Palm and Tamarisk (Tree and Reed), Winter and Summer, and Sheep and Grain.
Note 5. Tasmetu is first named as Nabu’s Consort. However, the Babylonians regarded Nanaya to be his Consort, while the Assyrians thought that Tasmetu was.
April for Romans is the time of opening buds. Flowers appear, trees come into leaf, and new crops are coming up. At this time, most of the festivals are centered on honoring the fertility of the land and protecting the crops. The Gods honored are either female or ambiguous. Of the various festivals that I follow are:
VENUS VERTICORDIA and FORTUNA VIRILIS
On April 1, the Veneralia is held. During this festival, women would go where the men are. While they would pray to Venus Verticordia (Venus, the Changer of Hearts) and Fortuna Virilis (Fortune the Bold) for support in their love lives. Later the festival included everyone, married and single, male and female asking these two Goddesses for help in matters of the heart. (Venus is considered the tutelary God of April.)
CYBELE, the MAGNA MATER
To commemorate the arrival of Cybele, the Idaean Mother, in Rome, the Megalesia is held from April 4 to April 10. As the Magna Mater, Cybele saved Rome from Hannibal during the Second Punic War. During the Megalesia, theatrical shows and mutual banquets were held. On the last day, the Goddess was taken on a bier in a grand procession to the Circus Maximus. Because her priests, the Galli, were castrated men who dressed as women, many modern people regard Cybele as the Goddess of Transgender People.
CERES and TELLUS
From the 12th to the 19th, the Cerialia is held to honor Ceres, Goddess of Agriculture and Gain. The festival is to thank Ceres for the earth’s fertility. Many of the ceremonies of the Cerialia are held in private with the participants wearing white. An Ancient Roman tradition was to set loose foxes with burning torches tied to their tails. (It was believed to drive out diseases of the land.) For Ceres, I usually walk the nearby field three times and offer milk, a traditional offering.
During the Cerialia, the Fordicidia is held on April 15. In Ancient Rome, pregnant cows were sacrificed to Tellus, the Goddess of Productive Power of the Earth, for the fertility of the cattle and fields. The ashes of the unborn calves were burnt and use in the Parilia later in the month. Modern Romans will burn meat and mix it with soil as an offering to Tellus.
PALES
On April 21, the Parilia is held. Similar to the Celtic Beltane Festival, the Parilia focuses on the purification of sheep and shepherds. Bonfires are lit and sheep are driven through them. Grain and milk are offered to Pales of Shepherds and Sheep. For this festival, I pray for healthy livestock and put a stuffed sheep between two candles.
Pales is a mystery as to what They are – male or female, plural or singular. This/these ancient Roman God/s are from the time before the Romans were shepherds, which adds to the confusion of who Pales is/are. I prefer to regard Pales as the entirety of all the concepts about Them.
(The Parilia is also considered the Founding Day of Rome.)
ROBIGUS (ROBIGO)
To save crops from wheat rust, the Romans sacrificed dogs to Robigus, the God of Wheat Rust during the Robigalia on April 25. Traditionally, red animals were offered at the boundary of Roman territory to ensure protection of the crops from mildew and blight. Today, people offer red wine requesting that Robigus leave the crops alone.
FLORA
The Floralia, honoring Flora, the Goddess of Flowering Plants, is held from April 27 to May 1. (Fauna, the Goddess of Wildlife, is her Sister.) Coming after the Robigalia, the Floralia affirms the safety of the growing plants from harm. During this time, people adorn themselves and their homes with flowers. They also wear colorful clothing to reflect the emerging flowers. Traditionally, goats and rabbits were set loose in the crowds, while priests threw lupines, bean flowers and vetch about. This was to ensure fertility of everyone and everything.
OTHER GODS
April 5: The Anniversary of the Temple for Fortuna Publica (Fortune of the State)
April 13: The Anniversary of the Temple for Jupiter Victor (Iuppiter Victorious)
Neptune's Dolphins 